Getting Frustrated....

I know...it's only been 4 months. I know....on average it takes 6 months to a year to conceive. I know.....but I'm still frustrated. It's been compounded by the fact that a woman I work with announced she was PG a few weeks ago. They weren't trying which is a bigger slap in the face. I'm trying to be happy for her, but it hasn't been easy. It seems like all I hear out of her mouth is baby, baby, baby. Yeah...great...you're excited...I get that...have some consideration for the person in the office who is trying to have a baby and hasn't had any luck yet....k.thanks.bye. I'm also struglgling with the fact that if I get PG this cycle, work will be put in a lurch because it's possible that our maternity leave will overlap. My manager actually told me I should space it out. I told her it was a little late for that, cause we were already past the point of no return by that time. I talked that over with my Hubs and some friends and they all agreed that it's not my fault or problem that she got PG first. We had already been trying for 3/4 months and we shouldn't put our life on hold because of her bad timing. I still have some hope that we got it this month, but it's small hope. We didn't get much BD in due to the Hubster's schedule (he works overnights and I work days). I had a really vivid dream the other night that I took a HPT and got the ever elusive BFP. I woke that morning feeling really good about it....peed on a stick.....negativo! I also had a really strange episode where I was on the phone with a client and I got an overwhelming urge for potato salad. Like, I could actually taste it in my mouth, I wanted it that bad. Not sure if that is a sign or not, or if I'm just really weird....probably the latter. I've had some weird cramping this month, but it could be pre-AF cramping....who knows. I'm planning on taking another test tomorrow if the Flo doesn't decide to make an appearance. ***sigh***

In other news....the mountains outside of Boulder have been subjected to an insane wildfire. My in-laws unfortunately have been affected and are currently in limbo wondering whether or not their home is still there. Last we knew it was unaffected, but the way the winds have been, that could change quickly. So all thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated for them.

Until next time.....

The Waiting Game....

So.....we are on Cycle 2 as I mentioned in my last post. I've apparently ovulated....we've apparently timed things well....so now we wait. It always seems that when you are expecting something (something good that is) that time just seems to slow down to a crawl. In 10 days I should be able to take a test (actually in 5 if I want to test early), and that just seems so far away!! Seems like the days just get longer and longer and longerrrrrrr.......

One big help for me this cycle is that we are moving starting next week, so I have been busy selling stuff online and packing and cleaning. It would be great to get through all of that and have my reward be that we caught the eggie this month!

Does anyone out there in Bloggyland have any good ideas of things to take your mind off peeing on sticks during the 2ww?

Baby Baby Baby....

So.....Pete and I have now been married for almost 2 months. The wedding could not have gone better (although the lead up to it left much to be desired) I can't think of one single thing that went wrong. Seems like everything bad that happened, happened before we left for NY. The honeymoon was AHHHHHmazing!! We went to Jamaica and did not do one thing for an entire week. Plus, I planned it perfectly so that our last night there also happened to be my birthday. And who doesn't want to spend their birthday in a tropical paradise.

So now we are back in the reality of things. We spent the last month looking for a place to live. It's only been a year since we last moved, but it seems like things have gotten way more strict in the way of rentals. We have a dog....she's part German Shepard....you've seen pictures of her. Most places will now no longer accept even a cross breed of a German Shep. The there are the cats. We are bad, we know. We only tell places we have 1 cat, because otherwise they won't take us at all. Never had a problem. Now what we were running into was that they wouldn't even take our "1" cat because he isn't declawed. Now I don't know about you, but I think that is the cruelest thing you can do to an animal. I mean, isn't pulling out fingernails deemed a form of torture in China?? So, needless to say, we wouldn't even consider those places. We we did finally find a really nice townhouse which is situated in between both of our jobs. We get to move in just a few short weeks and I can.not.wait!!!!! I do not even want to get into the problems we were having at our current apartment the week before the wedding.

So now that we have all of that figured out, we are on to our next big project. Starting our family. I'm hoping that it won't take us too long to accomplish this, but I know better. I do know that, on average, it takes a healthy normal couple at a mimimum of 6 months to get pregnant. So I am ready for that. But I'm also impatient, so we'll see how long my calmness lasts. We have just started our 2nd cycle. I can't wait to see where this blog goes as I start to chronicle this next journey in our lives.......Stay Tuned!

We've picked out the ring!

I meant to post this last week, but as the title suggests, Pete and I have picked out my engagement ring!! It all happened by accident really. We went out one morning for breakfast and decided we wanted to go to a movie. So we decided rather than go home and wait around for a few hours we would go to the mall and walk around. So we did that and quickly got bored. Then we decided we were going to go to the shops that were near the theater and just wander until it was time for the movie. As we got in the car to leave an ad came on the radio for The Shane Co. So I said, why don't we just go there and wander a bit. Not really planning on buying anything, but just seeing what was out there. So we ended up going through all the cases and found an absolutely beautiful band. Its 14 karat white gold and has diamonds on the band (a little over 1/3 carat) So at this particular store, you pick your band and then you pick your diamond. The lady who was helping us brought out 3 diamonds of various grades. The first was .70 Carat VVS1 (barely any visible flaws) and the color was and e or f. It was pretty, but nothing special. The next was .83 Carat SI1(a few visble flaws) and a G in color. The flaws you could see were in very visible places. The last diamond was a .99 Carat I1 (flaws visible to teh naked eye) and an H in color. The "flaw" that was visible to the naked eye was that when cutting the diamond they put an extra facet in one corner. It even took the lady there forever to find the actual flaw. And the bonus was that even though it was the worst diamond "on paper" It sparkled the most was absolutely gorgeous and cost less than the smallest diamond we looked at. So even though we weren't planning on buying, Pete ended up putting the ring on layaway. He says that I can get it for keeps after Christmas. I really can't wait to get it. It will really make all of this seem more "real"

Back to Black

So I have dyed my hair back to black again. I keep flip-flopping on my hair color, but I always seem to come back to this one. I feel like it suits me. Both physically and my personality. Over the years I have had my hair several different colors from blonde (yes, I tried blonde...I looked like a deranged Barbie Doll), to red, to brown, to black. I've always gotten the most compliments with black. I guess that it helps that my features are naturally dark. My natural hair color is almost black, my eyelashes are black and so are my eyebrows. I guess having my hair black makes me feel like I match in some way. Weird? Maybe, but I like matching. So, now the goal is to get my newly black hair to grow so that I can put it in an awesome 40's style for the wedding. Right now, since I had it cut into a pixie back in June, I've got the beginnings of a mullet. Oh it is SOOOO beautiful lemme tell you!!! I am fighting the urge to hack off the back and let the layers grow down into it, but I think in the end it will be better if I just leave the back alone (with the exception of a trim here and there) and it will evolve into a nice long layered look. Luckily my hair grows pretty quickly. I cut it at the end of July, right before my brothers wedding, and the sides were above my ears. Right now, they are sitting pretty at about an inch and a half past the top of my ears. I think that I will be able to achieve shoulder length 2 July's from now. I hope. I just need to fight my hair ADD and just let it grow!!

I'm patiently (ha!) biding my time for when I can e-mail the lady back about our wedding venue. My dad and grandma went out there to check it out a few weeks ago. He said that it looks really nice from the outside, but he didn't go in because there was a wedding going on and he didn't want to crash it. He also to my grandma to dinner at one of the restaurants that caters there and spoke to the owner. He had nothing but high praises for the woman who runs the place, so that definitely eases any concerns I had about the place. He also stated that they cater around 20 weddings there a year. And probably for the first time in YEARS, my grandmother got a meal and DID NOT complain about it!!! This bodes well for my dad's choice in caterer!! I think that actually clinched the deal for both of us.

We are planning on going out to NY for my (30th!!! eeek) birthday in May, so we can do some checking out ourselves. I've picked a bakery to do our wedding cake, so we are going to price them and do some tastings. They have a cake on their website which is exactly what I am looking for. Plus they make cannoli cakes there (which are my fave) so I want to see if they can make the wedding cake a cannoli cake.

I haven't heard back on the 2nd interview for the job I applied for. I'm not really sure what to think about that. I'm kind of having mixed feelings about working 2 jobs right now. I know that we definitely need the money, but I think that maybe I should just put all my efforts into finding a better paying full-time job and go from there. I really want to go back to school to get a better job, but I just don't think that is something I will be able to afford. I would love to get into something in the medical field. I guess that I just have to look into it more and see if that is an option that I can explore. I know that I can't do what I have been doing for the rest of my life. I think I would kill myself!! Just kidding......maybe......yeah.....maybe. :-P

So Many Things...So Little Time.....

So life has been crazy. How could I expect it not to be. As most of you know Pete and I are going to be driving out to NY in a few weeks, both for my little bro's wedding and to get my dog and cats to bring them home. A large chunk of how we were going to afford this trip was using President Bush's oh so fabulous Stimulus Payment of $600. So I get my letter stating that my check is on its way and, yes, I am getting the full $600. Cue in a few weeks later and I get a letter from the IRS stating that they have taken my check and applied it to the tax bill I owed from 2007, oh and I still owe them $70. Let me take you back a few months to when I got my w-2 form from one of my past part-time employers. I open it up to find that they only took out like $100 in the 6months that I worked there. Now I don't know who screwed that up....me or them, but I was not happy to find that I now owe the Feds $655 in back taxes. So I go all the normal routes, file my return, with a payment plan proposal in order to pay back the money, which they accepted. I then receive a bill for $105, which I though was my first payment in the payment plan. OH NO!! When I receive the bill for the final $70 dollars I call up our wonderful IRS system (which by the way is next to impossible to get to a live person.....automated systems do NOT make things more simple Corporate America!!! It just pisses us off, so when we get to a real person, we are not as nice as we should be!!!) So, anyway, I call them up and get a live person and say Hey, I paid you all $105, you took my $600, how do I still owe you $70 when my original tax bill was only $655?" Oh get ready for this....they charged me $105 to SET UP MY MONTHLY PAYMENT ACCOUNT!!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Are you KIDDING me?!?!?!?! Which, by the way, is an account I won't need to be using, since they took away my stimulus check. But can I get it back? NO, cause they are crooks!! And, now, I am not going to have NEAR enough money to get to NY for my brother's wedding. It will definitely be a tight squeeze. I am actually having to have no taxes taken out of my next few paychecks just so I can get bills in order and have enough to get there. So YAY!! I'll get to owe them again! Gotta love how our society works. Only in America do we charge poor people for being poor. Take car insurance. Most don't know this, but insurance companies use your credit to determine your rates. And guess what...if you have bad credit, you pay more for car insurance. Like, ok, I don't make enough money as it is, which is why I have bad credit in the first place, so let's jack up the prices so I can't afford even more things, making my credit even worse. And with the prices of everything going up, the problem is just going to get worse. I just don't get the rationaled that people with good credit are better drivers. And what does my credit have to do with insurance? If I don't pay my bill, then I don't have insurance. If I crash my car without insurance, that affects only me, not the insurance companies. Look at all the rich celebrities and whatnot, with DWI/DUI up the wazoo. But I'll bet they pay less in car insurance than I do, cause they have money. When is our society going to wake up and realize that they way we are running things isn't working??

Ok, enough on that tangent. Happier things coming up....

Tomorrow, Pete and I celebrate 6 months together!! We are going to Water World to celebrate and I cannot tell you how excited I am to go!! I haven't been to a Water Park in AGES!! and I love them!!! We both have been giddy about this all week. And the bonus is....his mom got us the tickets as a gift, so we only have to pay for stuff on the inside if we want it. We are going to be bringing in a cooler so we can just save money on things like drinks and whatnot.

Tomorrow Pete will also be testing for Denver PD. I'm really hoping that this is it for him. He has some really good prospects both there and in Aurora (I hooked him up with one of my clients who is a detective, so now he has a really good reference there) He also has an interview with Jefferson County Sherrifs Dept, but he will only take that one if he doesn't get Denver or Aurora. Things are really starting to look up for him in respects to his career. Keep your fingers crossed that he gets what he wants.

Hmmm...what else....not sure if I have written about this, but our apartment is a hole. We are still without a dishwasher. It's been about 3 weeks or so since our dishwasher sparyed some unknown disgusting smelly sludge all over our dishes. We are supposedly getting a new one, but they are waiting for "a part" because apparantly the new dishwasher comes in two pieces?? Does anyone else smell something?? Oh and it's been over 2 months since the cable guy broke my bedroom door, over a month since he paid for it, and I still have a broken bedroom door. So, we are stuck in this place until next July, but we will definitely be moving to a nicer place when our lease is up. We were thinking of a nice townhome, but we'll see what's out there.

I think that is about it, like I said.....it's been crazy.......

Updates Updates Update

It's been a little while since my last post. Sorry!! Well, as I said before, Pete and I have moved in together and things are going perfectly so far. We've been a little slack in getting things unpacked and getting the apartment to where it looks like we live there and not just using it as a storage locker, but we'll get there. :-) We've come up with a great plan to get all of our debt paid off too. I think that I can hack most of mine out by the end of the year. Once I get my credit cards paid off I will only have the car payment and my student loan. I'm thinking about doubling up those payments once I get the cards paid off, but we'll see where the finances are. Once we get all that paid off we are going to start saving to buy (or possibly build) a new house. I figure if we can get enough saved up for a nice piece of land and a good chunk of the building costs, we will be sitting pretty. I, personally, would prefer to build because we have such specific things we want our house to have. I want to have a good kitchen (for once in my life!!), he wants a martial arts room. I'd also like to have a game room (with a pool table, fooseball, etc.) So anyway, we figure in about 5-7 years we can probably have enough saved up for that. Luckily our bills aren't too much, and with our salaries combined we have that much more to work with. I'm still tossing around the idea of a second job that I can use to specifically save up for the big things, but I am not sure if I want the stress of that yet. We shall see. It's been nice only having to work 8 hours in a day and have two days off a week. It's been so long since I have been able to say that!!

Pete has been bringing up the future alot lately as well. I woke up one morning last week to a text message that said "I'm going to marry you" It absolutely made my heart melt when I read it. He's also been bringing up making a family together. He's even named our first son already :-) Well, we both did, but he brought it up first (I swear!!!) He wants to name him after his brother (Gabriel) and I want to use my grandpas first name as his middle (Pasquale) Now I know Pasquale is not a very common name, but it actually flows really well together, especially with his last name. So, now we just need to make sure we have a boy!! I think we may be screwed if we ever have a girl, cause I have no idea what we would name her!! Anyway, I think I am getting a bit ahead of myself here. It's just so nice to be able to talk about the future and know that the person I am with has the same feelings and outlook as me. I have spent way to many years of my life with guys who say they don't want to get married or they don't want kids and me thinking I can change that. I'm glad to finally be with someone who wants all the same things as me. It's the best feeling in the world.

We are getting ready for our drive back out to NY in August. I still can't believe that my little brother is getting married!!! I should be getting my dress for that this week and I am praying that it fits. I am nervous because I had to order it over the phone, so I have no idea how it is going to fit. Well, if worst come to worse I will just have to have it altered and hope for the best. My other concern is that it is strapless and I am going to have a hell of a time find a bra that is going to fit my knockers!! I'm also getting excited about this trip because it means that I can get my babies back!! I have missed them so much these last few months. When my dad or my brother tell me stories about things they have done I just start crying because I feel so bad that I don't have them with me. So, less than two months to go and I will have them back with me!! I'm hoping they don't punish me too badly for leaving them so long. I know my dog tends to hold a grudge. She was pretty unruly for my brother for about a month after I dropped her off with him.

Ok, so I think I have made this long enough. Those are my updates for now. Maybe I'll brave posting pics of me in the dress when I get it.

Getting Closer

Less than a week to go until I get my new place. I am so excited to finally have a place to call my own. Pete and I have been talking about the possibility of him moving in with me when I do get it, but I don't know if that is going to happen or not. While we both want to do it, he had arranged to move in with someone else in June since his current room mate is getting married and he needs to be out of there soon. So he is having issues with whether he can tell the guy he won't move in there. I can understand that, since they had arranged it, but no paperwork or lease has been signed yet, so it's not like he is bound to anything. He's is just such a stand-up guy, he doesn't want to screw the guy, and I can totally understand that. But it's like he said, he will more than likely be spending more time at my place than the place he is actually paying rent for. I would hate for him to have to be paying money at a place he is basically just using to store his stuff at, ya know? So I guess we will just see what happens. It would be so much better financially for both of us if we just did it. Plus he would be stuck in a 1 year lease, so that makes no sense to me, to do that if he wants to live with me anyway...ya know? I guess we will just see what happens. I told him to think about it, so we shall see what he decides on.

I decided to move up the day that I am going back to Montrose to get my stuff out of storage. In the long-run, I am actually saving money by doing it this way. I ended up getting my moving truck for $20 less and I won't end up having to pay anything this month for my storage space. They are just going to pro-rate the number of days I have it for the month of May, and just take it out of my deposit. Things are definitely working out in my favor as far as that goes. Plus, I won't have to spend as much time in my new place with no dishes, furniture, etc. All-in-all it's a win-win situation.

Time keeps on ticking.....

One more week! I am not even CLOSE to being ready! Luckily I have all day tomorrow and all day Sunday off or I would be SCREWED!! I'm feeling both nervous and excited for this move. Nervous, because I still do not have a job. Excited, because I will be living somewhere where there are actually things to do!

On the job front, things are looking up in a way. I got a call from the manager of the store I want to go work at and he really wants to hire me. I am supposed to go out there next Friday for an interview. The catch is, that it is a commission based job, but on the plus side he said the base wage was MORE than minimum, so I can probably make it work. I was hoping to get into the jewelry department (which is where I am working now at the store here), but he didn't think he had anything full-time, so he was thinking about putting me in shoes (!!!DANGER!!!) or window coverings. I think window coverings would be pretty neat because I would be helping people decorate, and that just sounds like so much fun. So, anyway, I am hoping that all pans out.

I'll keep everyone posted on my progress :-)

Movin' On Up......

Ok....I've been bad again. I guess I just didn't have anything worthwhile to contribute. It's been over a month since my last post, so I will fill you in on what's new.

After much deliberation I have decided to part ways with Western Colorado, and I am headed over to the Front Range....specifically, the Denver area. My friend moved out there a few months ago, so I am going to stay with her until I can come up with enough money to put down on a new place for me. I have been looking for a job out there. I'm hoping to find something soon. I would love to be out of here by the end of this month.

I've also met a wonderful man. We have so much in common it's scary. He also lives in the Denver area, which made my decision a lot easier for me, but note that he is NOT the sole reason I am moving.

My main reason is this. I hate my job. I have for a while. I have been trying for the past few months to get a new job with no success. I got a rejection letter the other day for a job I never even got a call for a interview for. So, I have decided that I have had it with this area and it is time for something new.

Other than that, nothing new and exciting. I shall try to keep this more updated.

Land of Confusion

A few days ago I wrote about my bittersweet take on the holidays. It now seems like it is more bitter than sweet in light of recent events. I feel like my future is gone now, as well as my past. I guess I should clarify. I feel like the future I thought I was going to have with Todd is gone. Actually, I know it's gone. I know that there is another plan out there for me, I just wish someone would enlighten me as to what it is.

I've pretty much decided that I just don't care anymore. I guess I'm getting used to the fact that I just may not ever meet "Mr. Right". In the immortal words of Cameron Diaz in "The Sweetest Thing", "...just look for Mr. Right now..." And maybe that's what I need to do. I need to stop putting so much stock into these guys I meet. I need to just take things one day at a time, and not fall for all the bullshit lines they give me. I guess I need to learn to be a cynical dater. I trust way too quickly and easily. I guess you could call me gullible. Maybe I am. I've always been the type of person who will trust you unconditionally until I am given a reason not to. Of course, once that reason surfaces, then I am done with you. I'm thinking that maybe I need to start by not trusting people. I really don't know if that's the best route to go either. I guess it just goes back to the old "Damned if you do, damned if you don't".

I'm still trying to decide what I want to do with my life. I'm debating a few options right now. Still tossing around the idea of going to Denver. I just don't think I can do it though. Even though the money would be better, I have never lived in a big city before. I really like the slower pace of small town life. On the other hand, maybe the hustle and bustle of the city is what I need. I really just don't know what I want. I do still have a few months to figure it out I suppose.

I've put my dating profiles back online again. Not sure if I want to get into something right now, but I figured what the heck. I don't get out very often what with working two jobs, so it's pretty much my only avenue to get to know people. There have been a few people on there who have piqued my interest, but we'll see.

I know some of you are thinking 'but wait, Todd and she just broke up a few days ago' To further enlighten the situation let me say this. Yes, we just broke up on Tuesday, however, I have not seen the man in over a month. I hadn't even talked to him in almost a week. Yes, I was getting ready to move out to be with him. Yes, we had talked about getting married. In a way, I think the distance is what was fueling all of that. Our relationship was hot, heavy, and short-lived. I believe the distance is what contributed to it ending as well, although I will never really know for sure what his reasons were. I know that ultimately he wasn't the man for me, otherwise we would still be together. So rather than wallow in misery over something that isn't meant to be, I am ready to move forward with my life. Hopefully a little wiser.

Sweet Dreams are Made of This......

Been having some bizarre dreams lately. Last night I dreamt that Todd and I were somewhere (I can't remember where, I think it was the front steps of my dad's house) and I made a joke about having a baby. He turned to me and was like.....let's go for it!! I remembered acting completely floored by him saying this, because I know he doesn't want it for a while.

I've had the "baby fever" for a while now. Even though I know I am not at a point in my life (both financially and relationship-wise) I sometimes secretly wish for an "oops" I would never do that to a guy on purpose, that would just be wrong. Plus there are things that I want in my life before I start having kids. First off I want to be married. Not to knock those of you who are single mom's or got married after the fact. My two best friends both had their children when they weren't married. One is still single, and the other is married to the father of her son. They got married I think when he was 4 or 5? Oh how the years blend together! My brother on the other hand, got a girl pregnant, and ended up marrying her basically because of their son. And while I would never trade my nephew for anything in the world (and I know my brother wouldn't either) I feel like he was trapped into that marriage because of my nephew. So I would never want the guy I was with to feel obligated to marry me or be with me because we had a child together. I would much rather be married first, for the right reasons. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I feel like I am rambling on.

One of my online "friends" just had a baby this weekend. While I am so happy for her, I'm also jealous. She is about the same age as me, and I feel like I am so far behind other women in my age group. I never wanted to be the career woman, although that is what I ended up being. I saw myself getting married soon after college and being done having kids by the time I was 30. Here I am less than a year and a half away from 30 and I have neither of those things. Fuck "good things come to those who wait" I WANT IT NOW DAMN IT!!!

Sadly, reality must come crashing down. I know there won't be a marriage in my near future. Maybe in a year or two, but no sooner than that. Then, hopefully the kiddos will follow soon after. Until then I guess I just have to continue dreaming.......