Sweet Dreams are Made of This......

Been having some bizarre dreams lately. Last night I dreamt that Todd and I were somewhere (I can't remember where, I think it was the front steps of my dad's house) and I made a joke about having a baby. He turned to me and was like.....let's go for it!! I remembered acting completely floored by him saying this, because I know he doesn't want it for a while.

I've had the "baby fever" for a while now. Even though I know I am not at a point in my life (both financially and relationship-wise) I sometimes secretly wish for an "oops" I would never do that to a guy on purpose, that would just be wrong. Plus there are things that I want in my life before I start having kids. First off I want to be married. Not to knock those of you who are single mom's or got married after the fact. My two best friends both had their children when they weren't married. One is still single, and the other is married to the father of her son. They got married I think when he was 4 or 5? Oh how the years blend together! My brother on the other hand, got a girl pregnant, and ended up marrying her basically because of their son. And while I would never trade my nephew for anything in the world (and I know my brother wouldn't either) I feel like he was trapped into that marriage because of my nephew. So I would never want the guy I was with to feel obligated to marry me or be with me because we had a child together. I would much rather be married first, for the right reasons. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I feel like I am rambling on.

One of my online "friends" just had a baby this weekend. While I am so happy for her, I'm also jealous. She is about the same age as me, and I feel like I am so far behind other women in my age group. I never wanted to be the career woman, although that is what I ended up being. I saw myself getting married soon after college and being done having kids by the time I was 30. Here I am less than a year and a half away from 30 and I have neither of those things. Fuck "good things come to those who wait" I WANT IT NOW DAMN IT!!!

Sadly, reality must come crashing down. I know there won't be a marriage in my near future. Maybe in a year or two, but no sooner than that. Then, hopefully the kiddos will follow soon after. Until then I guess I just have to continue dreaming.......