Well, the Christmas season is upon us yet again. I'm finding that I am not really in the holiday spirit this year though. Maybe it's because I don't have any family around to celebrate with. I mean, what fun is it to open your presents by yourself? You don't get to enjoy seeing the faces of your loved ones as they open the gifts you picked out for them.. I think what I miss most of all is going to my Grandparent's house on Christmas eve. We always did the traditional Italian Christmas eve dinner. It has always been my favorite part of the holiday. Although I am sad that I am not going to be there this year, I am also a little relieved. This is going to be my family's first Christmas without my Grandpa. He passed away last May. He was always an integral part of the holidays for me. I can remember him calling me Candaroo as he was frying up the shrimp. He was always keeping the fire going and we would all sit around it and open our gifts. I always sat next to Grandpa at dinner and he would always grab my hand as we said grace...."Bless O Lord for these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty, O Christ, O Lord, Amen." The night he died as I was falling asleep I actually heard him saying those words in my head. When I got the call that next morning, it was almost like I already knew. He said his grace one last time to me before he passed. So I guess the reason I am happy to not be going home for Christmas is that, to me, it's just not Christmas without him.
I put up my tree this year, although I am still unsure as to why. The only things I put on it were the lights, garland, and star. I just didn't feel like going through all the hassle of getting out the decorations, etc. Again, it's just not fun doing things like that by yourself. When I was younger, we used to decorate two trees. My dad, my brothers, and I would hike through the snow in search of the perfect tree for our house. I always liked the ones with the long soft needles because they didn't hurt when you touched them. We would cut down our tree, bring it home, put on records of Christmas music (the fave was always the Snoopy one) and decorate until the tree was full. The second tree we would decorate would be at my Grandparent's. They always had an artificial tree, so we would bring that down from the attic and set it up in the family room. I loved going through all my Nanny's ornaments. They were all so old and retro and came in all different shapes and sizes. (I think some, if not all, were from the fifties!!)
Do you ever wish you could go back and have things just like they were? Do you ever wish Christmas would give you that same spark that it did when you were a kid? Maybe when I have a family it will again do that for me. Maybe seeing the spark in my future children's eyes will relight mine. For now though, Christmas is just another day
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